Major agrees to return to the White House

The continuing saga of the Gypsy Ronaviravich, her dog Wackadoo, and her cursed bat WuWu.

After great and continuous groveling by the Biden family, Major conditionally agreed to return with Champ to The White House.

Major demanded Jill to ensure a list of demands, draw up a formal contract, and sign the contract in front of a notary public before agreeing to return. The contract reads as follows:

I, Jill Biden, First Lady of these United States of America, do solemnly swear under penalty of serious dog bite to ensure Major’s list of demands, appearing in this contract. Only Major can amend the list of demands appearing in this contract via a legally drawn amendment signed by Major and witnessed by a notary public who is not a member of the US Secret Service, or any of the alphabet government agencies of the US government. No foreign government shall have any influence in this contract. Joe Biden, under no circumstances is allowed to amend or nullify this contract. Nancy Pelosi, under no circumstances is allowed to amend, nullify, or influence the administration of this contract. Major’s demands which I, Jill Biden commit to uphold are as follows:

  • Steve is fired or sent overseas on assignment for the duration of Major’s living in The White House
  • Major will no longer be fed Trump ballots
  • Major has full access to all areas of The White House
  • Major will be fed only gourmet human food
  • Major will be groomed by a professional groomer once per week
  • Major will sit and sleep on any furniture he chooses whenever he chooses
  • Major will be allowed to growl at Pelosi
  • Major will be allowed to lead Joe around when Joe is lost
  • Major will be allowed and encouraged to bark loudly whenever Joe speaks nonsense
  • Major will be allowed to visit Wackadoo anytime he chooses
  • Major will be allowed to invite Wackadoo to The White House whenever he chooses for the time duration he chooses
  • Joe is no longer allowed to wander The White House grounds lost and unattended

Jill Biden, of course, immediately signed the contract, witnessed and notarized by a notary public.


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