I am always concerned that rural America will be responsible for ruining Christmas. We have deer feeders on our land where we feed and fatten deer throughout the year. Then hunting season arrives during the holiday season and the shooting begins. One of these years, there won’t be any reindeer brave enough to pull Santa’s sled. Or they will be too fat from all of the deer feeders to fly through the air. Then there are the stand your ground laws, self defense, and our right to bear arms. Santa Clause will one day be on the news as a victim of a horrible home invasion mishap on Christmas Eve. It will be in some drunk redneck’s home after he imbibed too much Christmas spirit. And it might not even be that the drunk redneck didn’t know it was Santa Clause, his sled, and 8 reindeer up there on his new roof. He might just be upset about the roof damage. He might be sitting in the living room, Christmas spirit in one hand, and a gun in the other waiting on Santa Claus to explain himself. Whatever the case, it isn’t going to go well. It will turn out to be a redneck I’ve known since birth. I pray it isn’t a relative. It will make the national news. It is totally preventable. Rednecks like beer and whiskey. If Santa Clause will remember to deliver beer and whiskey to every redneck in the US, Christmas will proceed forever exactly as always. With beer and whiskey, a redneck will ensure Santa’s reindeer are flight ready come Christmas Eve. If Santa wants the snow cleaned off the rooftop and a special parking space with some landing lights, Santa should bring the redneck a new gun complete with a scope and plenty of ammunition.
I sure hope everyone enjoys this holiday season and many more too come. If only Santa remembers what to bring the rednecks……
Middle of the Muddy Road 