My Worst Nightmare

My worst nightmare is dating or marrying the wrong person. I am not a joiner, follower, or a person who NEEDS to be in a relationship. I enjoy my own company. I enjoy reading, writing, painting, watching movies, listening to music and going out and being social. I NEED downtime, quiet time, and a block of daily peace pretty much everyday to unwind and get rid of the noise. Downtime does not include another person. I don’t unwind by being around anyone else. I don’t unwind at a bar or social event. I do that alone. I decompress alone. Without down time, I will spin out and explode all over anyone near me. GO AWAY!!!! Seriously, I love you, please go away. You are not an appendage. I am that person who could happily marry the man who is gone for days at a time. I have a friend of 20 plus years who is the same way. He is gay. We have joked for years that we should get married, continue to live in our own houses, continue our existing lives, but not have to deal with people who can’t understand our need to just have that quiet alone time. People who cannot be alone for five minutes assume you’re cheating or don’t love them. It’s neither one of those things. I barely have the time for one person permanently in my life on a day to day basis. Why would I possibly want more of my valuable alone time taken up with yet another person? Why? I don’t need another person’s validation for my own self worth. If I’m talking to your husband, I’m the last person you need to worry about. If he is willing to cheat on you, he would cheat on me. I don’t want him. I don’t cheat. I don’t tolerate cheating in someone I’m dating. Am I going to chase you around and play the jealous game? Nope. Choose to leave or stay. Commit to an actual relationship or not. I’ve got better things to do than let you control me with your games. And that is a game. The game playing mentality of I’m going to go over here and flirt with someone else if you’re not giving me attention or doing what I want you to do, leaves me cold. OK. Bye. Especially at this point in my life. I’m 51 years old with a 10 year old son. I don’t have time, energy or interest in childish games. I am very direct. If you want to ask me out, ask. I’ll say yes or no. If you want to know what I want out of a relationship, well, mainly to find out if you’re worth my time and in what capacity. Isn’t the point of dating to find out if that person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? I’ve dated men that I’ve had great relationships with but didn’t want to marry. I’m still friends with most of them. I’ve dated men I’ve wanted to push off the top of a building after the first date. I’ve dated just about everything in between. I’m 51. I’m not 25 or 35 just divorced from marrying someone at the age of 18. I’ve dated a lot over the years. I’ve also spent time periods where I’ve dated no one because it just hasn’t been a priority for me. My job, my son, my friends, my personal interests have been my top priority. As a single person, there is nothing more irritating than married people who assume you’re out at the bar every night looking for a man or every man you talk to you are hitting on. Not everyone’s life revolves around the search for a mate in order to feel complete or validate their own self worth. Nope, I just like to talk to people. I am actually pretty social as long as I have my personal space and downtime. I have a ten year old son. I’m usually home with him or taking him someplace. I have a job. I have things I enjoy. I have a yard to mow and laundry to do. I have a life. You may not be able to be single. That’s ok. Don’t assume others are the same as you. Hands down the worst times in my life have been when I’m dating the wrong person not when I’ve been single.

My worst nightmare at 51 years old, would be to marry the wrong person just because I have a 10 year old boy and that’s what our society expects. First of all, my son knows not to accept the unacceptable from other people. He knows women don’t have to tolerate bad behavior from men. He actually knows how to treat women. I haven’t exposed him to a revolving door of boyfriends and husbands or my going to the bar to find a man instead of placing him as my first priority. Being a single parent isn’t the problem with raising kids. It’s the revolving relationship door that’s bad for kids. It’s a new set of rules with each new boyfriend or girlfriend if you’re a man. It’s instability and not getting the focus of their parent or parents attention. My son hasn’t been exposed to fighting and yelling and doors slamming in our house. We are pretty peaceful here and we like it that way.

I’m 51 years old. The worst decisions in my life have been when I have done what others have told me to do instead of what I knew was the best decision for me. I am things. I don’t need another person to define me. I don’t need another person to validate me. I don’t need another person to make decisions for me. I am a grown up (most days anyway). I don’t ask someone what to do unless it’s new territory and I need input from a person with experience. I have been making my own decisions for YEARS. The last thing I would do is marry someone who wants me to give up my identity for them and ask them what to do in situations I have dealt with for over 30 years of being an adult. That’s never going to happen.

It sounds like I want to remain single doesn’t it? That’s not necessarily true. I don’t care if I do, but, I can certainly make room in my life for the right person. A person that adds to my life instead of taking away from my life. That’s the reality. I am a stereotypical generation x person in most ways. I am also an introvert. I have to have time to internally process everything on my own. It’s how I’m wired. You can bet that if I date you or spend time with you, it’s because I genuinely enjoy being around you. Otherwise, you would be gone. I don’t waste my time with people I don’t appreciate. I don’t need you in my life. I want you to be in my life. Yes, you have to be a pretty independent and strong minded person to date me. Otherwise, you won’t be happy. You need to move on. I am not for you.


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